i’ve been thinking so much about my childhood recently. when i got my book of photos of my life for my 18th i didn’t recall any of the images from before i was 7. it is definitely to do with only remembering the bad things after that certain trigger but i could see that there were some really amazing times too, now.. i keep remembering parties i would go to with my parents and their friends - they’d all sit around a big fire in someones garden, playing guitar, teaching us fire poi, smoking and drinking and doing whatever else they were doing in the ‘90’s and we’d all play in one of the sheds or climb the big apple or pear tree, depending on whose cottage we were at.. later when it got cold we would come back to the fire and sleep on the mattresses our parents would place around.. if we didn’t sleep we’d look for bats or be hypnotised by the flames.
i remember climbing to the top of a tree then on the descent thinking that the tree was bleeding - we tasted the sap and then tried to make amber (obviously very unsuccessfully)
i remember someone eating a worm and few hours later falling in the pond in the dark.. the two incidents were not related aha
i’ve also started remembering my primary school with a less cynical mind. walking home from school the long way so that we could walk with gus and louis through the woods.. into their garden through the big gate on which other kids from our school would climb to get a better glimpse of the pony, goats and chickens that we’d go and purposefully play with to make them jealous..
i think the sunshine’s making me all nostalgic
never has a weekend turned me so far against the demon that is drink! aha, spent much of friday night wretching but not vomitting whilst beth and xtina emptied their bellies of brown water and pink toilet paper all over taxi’s, themselves, bathrooms and me.. washing 18 year old’s who bark fuck off while splashing me violently. and THEN postcards on a single pint (lad…. ew) surrounded by barely conscious girls falling over on anything with a dick (and sometimes without)
last night i dreamt that i was forced to shoot a girl from my school. i’m not friends with her and don’t even know much about her but woke up crying - it was horrid.
and today after seven hours i have barely finished the painting of my final piece and haven’t even started my first draft for english due in tomorrow! oh bloody god daddy (henry)
woah man, gnarley
today was almost mdmazing ;) had it not been for the cleaning, the hailstones, the boy coat stinking and the numerous other annoyances like b&q for one aha!
I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS SUNDAY! ( i really wish this was because i was celebrating the big vally d) although the prospect of snow worries my holey boots and lack of warm clothing
fuck i’m finding this runny nose so so vile and irritating. but i’m finding fb’s dog card so so good “adoptive parents” and all.
ugh you’re such a boring person, why did i ever convince myself otherwise and not listen to kazemi when i had the chance ahaha. i’m living in hysteria currently- i think mainly due to lack of sleep but bountiful supply of excitement for this coming weekend (valentines day/ pancake day of course) snot! new hair and elliot are also exciting me - i think the amount of changes that have occurred to my mane is getting excessive but i really couldn’t care less. when ellz v told me it was plum, and ruth told me it was emo, i knew!
It is like I am programmed to keep making the same mistake, repeating the process to build my ego and rid me of feelings of inadequacy. But the cycle isn’t that simple and I know that within the fortnight I’ll be back to where I was, loreal dancing for strange men in dusk (but will I? Apparently, after 18 years of motherhood, Mel has decided to punish me with limitations and restraints)…
I wish Xchange hadn’t crunched my finger and that at 30mph my eye hadn’t been ravaged.
